Category Archives: holidays

origin of love


the children made a book (we used blurb, which is what we use for all our photo books and krampuslauf yearbooks) this year for about twenty friends and family members as holiday gifts. it is the illustrated and handwritten lyrics to “origin of love” from “hedwig and the angry inch”. very lucky people got to have the children serenade them after they had opened their book. you might just want to put the song on spotify.


also, if you have the option to view in a two-page spread, it does look nicer.

now that everyone has received their books, we wanted to make the children’s effort available to everyone. we think they did a beautiful job. ben and i literally cried every time one of them “turned in” a drawing for the project. and claudia did a LOT of writing.


“origin of love” handwritten and illustrated by claudia and béla (PDF)

and it’s march, so it must be time for me to tell you how krampuslauf went.

krampuslauf philadelphia has become something of a full-time job, and it’s certainly not quite the “seasonal” event it was. well it is. but there’s always more, it seems! and that is how i like it.

let’s see. you can certainly check out this year’s clip video:

which is twice as long as last year’s because we didn’t JUST have krampuslauf this year… we had SNOWY SLEETY krampuslauf (here’s PHL 17’s lovely photo essay)

but we also had a GALLERY EXHIBITION of artifacts from these first three years of laufing in philly. our relationship with iMPeRFeCT gallery is the best thing that happened to krampuslauf this year.

ben and i promoted the exhibit by spending nearly two hours of dumbounded delight on g-town radio with ed feldman. a true gift. have a long listen.

the exhibition ended with a lovely closing dinner and then an amazing sight: das mädchen (do you know about das mädchen? you have a lot of catching up to do!) leaving the gallery. both of these videos are from artist gary reed.

and we are extremely grateful to have been given a $2000 grant from penn treaty special services district for krampuslauf philadelphia. claudia thanked them with this rather astounding piece of artwork which i had a pretty hard time handing over.


and, looking both back and forwards, we also have believe it tour’s video of the 2013 lauf (congrats mike and diane on your wedding!)

AND will soon be having the amazing experience of a maskmaking workshop in philly with arun once-was-zygoat, the one-man inspiration for krampuslauf philadelphia! that’s in just a few weeks! so… with more irons in the fire than ever in addition to a more peopled household, expect fewer posts here than ever before — but expect they will be great ones!!

four new christmas stockings


late october or so, it occurred to me to make the big guys xmas stockings. almost simultaneously, i recognized my longstanding dissatisfaction with the knitted stockings i’d made béla and claudia when they’d first arrived, and decided to make new ones to match the boys’.

it did seem a pretty clear example of holiday mission creep, to want to make four entire new stockings by christmas when i had started around halloween. i did not get them all done. asa’s and béla’s were done. claudia’s was finished christmas eve day and was still damp enough from blocking that santa, worried that her gifts would block it out of shape, just left the stocking draped over her stack.

tucker’s stocking got cast on on xmas eve day, but only out of stubbornness. on christmas morning, he had gifts in a store-bought stocking from target chosen by our friend liz. i finished his stocking about a week ago, and it is out now still because some of his birthday gifts are in it.

asa’s stocking was first, fastest, and easiest.


it’s also the only one of the four blocked with the heel folded at the side; the name chart and octopus chart were both small enough that i doubled them and there is one on either side of the stocking. it’s the only one like that. (thus far.)


both big boys have a scottish military button on the loop at the top of their stocking.

béla did not have any single thing in particular that he wanted on his stocking, but was willing to choose from a number of suggestions, eventually going with the hattifatteners from the moomin books, which we are reading. i found this chart online, made for mittens, and it was a bear to make. but it came out so great.


it was, however, so long that, if i was basing the size of the new stocking’s on asa’s completed one, i now had no room for the name band. at least not on the front. so béla has a vertical name band on the back of his stocking.


he also has a tassle on his toe.


claudia was just too obvious — we had to make her a pink stocking with hoogah on it!! i say we because tucker was called into service to chart hoogah for me…


absolutely perfect.


the thing about tucker is, if you say “i want to make/do something for you, how would you like it to be?” he will give you a baffling and ambitious answer, but he will also be happy to foot part of the bill. he wanted a magpie — so, he charted a magpie.


his magpie also has another of the scottish military buttons i’d gotten, in its beak.

we were both of pretty strong mind that tucker’s stocking should be grey, and while all the other stockings had name bands bounded with black check, we felt just as strongly that tucker’s box needed to be more open. so it is.


he also wanted, on the foot of the stocking, a quote by mogwat the magpie from the book he is currently reading the children, perloo the bold. Of all challenges the greatest is to be yourself. tuck charted that too; he did not use any printed charted alphabet, he simply made it up on his own. there’s no way to get a photo of the entire quote, but trust me, it is lovely.

i am working on ben’s stocking now, i know what mine will be as well, and actually tucker and i are doing some research on something for his and asa’s daddy. i am sure that by the time those are finished, i will know who is next.


halloween (sort of) 2013

it has been a really long time since i posted here. nothing to say about it except that life got big, and our family got bigger. all is well.

this year, both claudia and béla wanted store bought costumes. béla, in fact, knew nothing about what he wanted to be EXCEPT that he wanted it to come from a store; claudia is very into monster high right now (sigh) and has used all her tooth fairy money (four so far) on those dolls.

she wanted a monster high costume, he eventually chose a ghostbusters costume (having just seen the movie in a hotel in richmond, virginia) and they enjoyed their dance school party, regular school party, and trick-or-treating.




tucker has been reading d’aulaires’ greek mythology to claudia since the summer. (béla wouldn’t sit for it.) and we convinced her that, even if she didn’t wear it anywhere, that we NEEDED to make her an athena costume. just for the sake of doing it. and for pictures.

so we did.

as my friend bryan said, “i’m not angry about war or happy about war, it’s just what i’m the goddess of, the end”.





so even though no one but her family saw her, we had our little goddess of war. plenty more photos available here.

crop rotation

i’m a big believer in making the empty space — even though empty space can be scary — for new things to come into your life. i think filling up life with so-so activities and so-so projects leads to a so-so creative life. still, sometimes there is work that is worth doing in the short term, and when the time comes to end it, digging the roots out, even though they may not be as deep as others, is a pain in the ass. 2012 was a lot about that for me.

naturally, one of the biggest things in me is writing. i’ve been doing more non-writing than i ever thought i would, but writing is still a primary impulse for me. however, much of the writing i have been doing in the last few years– much of it nonfiction and for parenting or cultural publications — has not been meaningful to me the way it had been when i was feeling out being a parent. my kids will turn five in 2013. they are not babies. they are not people i need to write about — at least not in articles, columns, not even much in blog posts. in fact, the world of parenting-writing, and adoptive parenting-writing-blogging-social-networking, wore me thin pretty fast. it’s just not my world. i’m a mother, but “being” a “mommy” is just not one of my “hats” (and i really smirk at that whole hat-wearing analogy).

i had tried it before, but i knew it was finally time — for real — to stop writing regularly for korean quarterly. all the columns i wrote there — a series entitled “creation myth” — used to be on this site as a separate page, but i have taken that page down as well. it’s not part of where my head is now and i don’t think of it as having much to do with my creative body of work, although it was certainly important to my early parenting process. the pieces themselves are still available through korean quarterly’s back issues, and anyone who wants to read them should buy the back issues through KQ directly. i am grateful that they were as well-received as they were. i’m grateful for my continued relationship with the KQ family.

ceasing to report, in print, about my kids and my family and how i felt about parenting — in a balanced, nonfictional way — had immediate benefits. it got me writing about a lot of other things in a deeper way. a scarier way. a more savage way. and to be honest, a more truthful way. this does not mean that i have no plans to write some nonfiction work in relation to parenting, ever again. there are irons in the fire where that is concerned. but they are fewer, and much heftier, irons than the work i’ve done so far. and i’m glad i’m on the handle-side of them.

but i’m really trying to keep the writing a fully creative outlet.  i’m already involved in one of “the year’s coolest literary magazine innovations” (as previously reported earlier in the year).

and although it only began in 2012, i petered out before the year was over as a crafts editor for InCultureParent magazine. i knew i was stretching it thin. i knew i’d want to use that craft-ingenuity (such as it is) for krampus stuff, just as i knew i wanted to use all my writing mind for fiction. i did what i could. and then i stopped. and not having to come up with crafts on the calendar has allowed me the freedom to stew for the festival that i use to work through my own monsters, and and i am gratified when it does something for others. i hope it continues to.

here's our krampuslauf family, by the amazing len peralta.

here’s our krampuslauf family, by the amazing len peralta.

and speaking of that “krampus stuff”. after krampuslauf in 2011, i was sure that i had found something that mattered to me enough to continue with — something that was now part of my calling, my job, whatever it is that i do and am. and i felt even more sure about that in 2012. the needlework i do this year may be 90% related to krampuslauf.

the other change that was made was that i needed to change the conditions under which i continued to grow in my spiritual korean drumming practice. again, 2012 was when the epiphany happened, and again, in the form of “i can’t contribute to this group project any more, i need to do something for just me.” i know — what a pain in the ass, right?

except it got me drumming. and things are moving ahead in a new way. i can’t make this a new year’s post if i wait to write about that until i’m ready to do so, but i’m very satisfied. there will be more to come.

2013 could be a very interesting year. my meditation:

on the day after new year’s i took claudia to the hair salon and found boy george heralded as a “legend” in the year-end issue of OUT magazine. we all know how i feel about boy george. this quote from him took me back thirty years — to the real beginning of me:

“If you go back to the beginning, part of my whole plan was to create this universal family of disenfranchised people…. It wasn’t just about sexuality, it was about anyone who felt odd.”

having kids spreads you thin. it — or people — can make you believe that, to do it right, you need to lose some of your edge. i’ve seen folks lose themselves entirely, and i’ve seen people scramble to get that edge back, or pretend that losing it hasn’t happened. i had to make the changes i made, when i made them, to accommodate for my own evolution. but the shape of things has changed again. there is a lot i’ve taken back. and the ground is very fertile.

what i made for the 2012 philly krampuslauf

more than lapping itself in attendance size, it’s safe to say that krampuslauf philly experienced healthy growth this season and i am really proud of how things went off.

as per last year, i worked on costuming and props that were both within my scope of confidence (knitting, some minor sewing) and out of it (giant backpack puppet-making). there were things from last year that i needed to remake for easier use, and things that just didn’t get finished for 2012 but probably will for 2013. and, even among this year’s successful works, i plan to do some amending and embellishing.

no real credit to be taken for originality, but we moved up a few steps from last year’s cardboard shadow puppets this year and went with krampus handpuppets.

IMG_4538 copy

i used a pattern from project puppet, and got help from krampus folks with the makings of eyes, horns, tongues, bits, bells… even with cutting and sewing! the “blanks” were presented at workshop and were embellished by kids and moms, and it was really nice to see girls as young as seven sewing their puppets on their own.

while my frau perchta ensemble from last year had many elements that pleased me, mask-and-hat were a practical disaster. this year, i made a mask/headpiece with the tin-foil-and-masking-tape method, covered the face in white crepe and then some very loosely knitted green mohair stockinette, and a babushka i’d made of mitered squares. i hot-glued in some yarn hair and had a frau who could walk, talk, see, and spin with a drop spindle. i had sewn (rather poorly) a flowing black cape last year; i’m sure we’ll get some halloween use out of it in the future, but earlier this year i was gifted a blue wool yves saint laurent cape which belonged to a friend’s mother. that was a better, warmer frau cape this year.


the frau also wore a tabard, which was made of square, double-knit “swatches”, representing the handwork of the children whom frau perchta comes to check on. remember, this is why i love the frau — she comes to check on kids’ knitting, and if it’s no good… well, that’s why they call her “the belly-slitter”. i double-knit the swatches and tied them all together with i-cord pieces. on some of the swatches, i snipped through one layer and machine stitched around the hole so that the frayed stitches would not fray further. This gave a peek-a-boo color effect and looked to me something like an advent calendar. within one of these “windows”, i stitched a piece of pokeberry-dyed, screenprinted fabric from arun in portland, as part of our lauf gift exchange. (i sent portland’s lauf a handpuppet.)


overall i was happier with my ensemble this year — it was much more wearable — but i gave up the elements of the mirror chips and the edelweiss which were parts of the frau folklore that i have to get back in there. i will work on this for next year! also, this summer i began a krampus mask that i’m calling the “leigh bowery krampus” but hit a wall with it and it did not make it to this year’s lauf. it will be at next year’s!

and i hope to improve my mask and backpack puppet-making abilities as well.

halloween costume preview 2012: ozma of oz and jack pumpkinhead

as you may recall, last year was an oz halloween as well. the kids were, at that time, very interested in the old MGM film, which, while i think it’s fine, has never really fostered much in my imagination.

but the kids received all the oz novels for christmas last year (as well as an oz-themed tarot deck) and they have spent all year having these read to them. what trippy books these are! i think they are on the tenth out of fourteen.

by may of this year, béla was sure he wanted to be jack pumpkinhead. claudia initially wanted to be general jinjur (a girl who commands an army of other little girls armed with knitting needles; i had started to work out a kind of janet jackson “rhythm nation”-inspired costume) but then switched to princess ozma, a princess who began her journey in the oz novels as a little boy named tip. yes. a transgender character of childrens’ literature. (sort of. and not all that self-directed. but still.)

here’s ozma as per one of the books’ original illustrations.

and here’s claudiozma.

i made the dress, which was a real skill-builder for me. godets (which almost got hemmed out of existence.) box pleats. lots of ruffles. a lot of being hunched over on the studio floor listening to steely dan, that’s what ozma’s gown is for me.

ben made the scepter and the crown, and did an amazing job.

here’s the original jack pumpkinhead and his friend the sawhorse.

and here’s jack, being a little crunk at FDR park. with sawhorse behind him.

we had to make a sock/shoe color switch. seriously, no turquoise chucks in kids’ sizes? i made the jack head, and ben made the harness that keeps it on (which is pretty ingenious, although this is still not the most carefree béla’s ever been in a costume. now that i think of it, he’s never really very thrilled to have anything on his face or head, but that’s kind of the name of the game). ben also made the sawhorse, who obviously cannot be dragged along trick or treating. but he’s great for photos and is probably going to be in béla’s room for a good long time.

now that the pictures are taken, the kids can put their costumes on for trick or treating with their classmates on wednesday, and i don’t really have to care what happens to them now (the costumes, that is).

i’m certainly very happy with these and so are my boy and girl.